This? Is Not the Health I Ordered!

Category Archive

The following is a list of all entries from the Kicking My Own Ass category.

Detox: Day 2

Well, i have survived day one and all its cookie tray glory. I went to a design event last night at a gorgeous apartment on the upper west side (seriously, i was drooling) and there was an assortment of cheeses, crackers and my ultimate favorite–black and white cookies.

And I didn’t eat one, not even a crumb.

My god I’m being so healthy it hurts.

Today isn’t as bad as yesterday, i’m not as hungry, not as tired. I didn’t gag every time i took a sip of my veggie shake this morning. I still am craving the cookies that were present at the lunch and learn this afternoon (which were sooooooooo hard to resist) and that are now sitting on the table near my cubicle. Willpower is being tested to its LIMITS.

People aren’t understanding the purpose of my doing this; my coworkers are taunting me with cookies, candy and other sweets, constantly asking me why would i ever want to put myself through that. People mention burgers to me in my comments. (*COUGH*YODA*COUGH*) They think I’m just doing this to lose weight. Its ONE of the reasons I am, but the main purpose is to get healthy, to cleanse out my body and to start fresh. A jumping point to a healthier lifestyle and to motivate me to eat better and work out more.

I hate having to explain this at EVERY SINGLE MEAL and it is only day two!

I love how much willpower I have but I hope i can keep it up once i’m off the formal detox. I really hope I don’t slide back into eating sweets…


Detox Me

I have decided that in order to kickstart my getting healthy, I need to go on a detox. My roommate is a physical therapist and swears by this one and recommends it to all her clients. I figure its a safe way to go and it seems pretty healthy.

The deets?

Eat vegetables and only vegetables.

Thats it. You can’t eat anything other than leafy greens (and i’ve thrown in some other veggies for taste) (because leafy greens are boring. And gross)

Last night I started it by juicing beets, kale, collard greens, spinach, celery and 5 apples for the juice (and to sweeten it a little). I made a gigantic mess and thanks to the beets, it looked like I had commited mass murder right there in my kitchen.

This shake is my breakfast, it is so gross but has to be done. The rest of my meals consist of salad with lemon juice and olive oil, corn, peas, carrots, and anything else i can get my hands on thats veggies.

And let me tell you, day one? KILLER.

I am EXHAUSTED, starving and eating carrots as if i had suddenly morphed into a bunny. I am having dreams about chocolate and COTTAGE CHEESE. (oh and going to vegas, but thats besides the point)

The reason for torturing myself? To become healthy, duh. And to cleanse out my system. Apparently the first two days are the worst (one more day…one more day…) but at the end my tastebuds will have changed and I won’t crave sugar or salt as much as I used to. It will shrink my stomach so my appetite won’t be so huge. My skin will get better and over all I’ll feel healthier.

Must. Keep. Eyes. On. Prize.

Wish me luck! i’ll try to document it all…unfortunately i was so preoccupied with the shake I forgot to take pictures of the blood beet bath.

Holiday FAIL

Halloween kicked my ass.

As in I gained 5 lbs. FIVE POUNDS. On top of all the weight I had put on before because lord knows the minute it got dark out early, I stopped working out. That was…over a month ago.

Last night I went to the gym for the first time in a while and the elliptical kicked my ass to a bloody pulp before throwing it on the ground and dragging it all over the place. But I needed it because the scales? Are awful. I haven’t seen that number EVER. It even surpasses my fat stage 8 years ago.

I’m going to cry. (After i throw away the rest of my friggin candy.)

funny pictures of cats with captions


PS. Changed the blog name, to keep it in line with my other blog 🙂


Up until two weeks ago I would have told you I hated running. Couldn’t make me do it, no matter how many truffles you tied to the end of a string and dragged in front of me. Then I decided to just do it. 

You know what? Don’t tell anyone but I like it. 

It started with a simple run around the resevoir and now I shake it up by running the resevoir loop once, move onto the bridal path loop and then tonight I ran on the road, across the north meadow and back on the road, down the bridal path and back on the road. No idea how far I went but at least 2 miles. I would have done more if it weren’t getting pitch black out and it was downpouring on me and my poor ipod wrapped in a sandwich baggy (i’m classy). 

Theres something about running around the park, surrounded by other runners with a cool breeze sometimes blowing my direction and the feel of the dirt inside my shoes (literally, inside my shoes, apparently i didn’t buy dirt proof shoes). I just like it! And its the one routine I’ve set, and kept. 

The only thing is? I’m impatient. I want results. And so far nothing. NOTHING. I haven’t lost an ounce. And I want it to drop off, because thats how I roll. I want instant results. This is how i get discouraged, this is how i stop working out. I’m determined though. DETERMINED PEOPLE.

Theres a good chance I slacked off on keeping track of what i ate this week….so lets see…


Breakfast: oatmeal

Lunch: a mix of stuff from the hot and cold salad bars at whole foods (chicken provencale, some pasta with parmesan, indonesian rice that had raisins and pineapple)

Iced coffee with three splendas and a shot of vanilla from Starbucks

Dinner: three different white cheeses and some bread with two glasses of white wine

Snack: two godiva truffles


Breakfast: oatmeal which i made the mistake of eating prior to walking to work so i was starving when i got there so i had half of a cinnamon bun

lunch: chicken curry with spinach, rice and naan bread

dinner: my eggs with goat cheese and ketchup on a wrap with 3 godiva truffles for dessert (they are sitting on my coffee table in front of me while I watch the olympics. They’re distracting!!)

I didnt run yesterday but i did run the night before that for about 4 miles and ran tonight about 2.

Easing Myself Into This…

So I can’t move. After last nights adventure in running I decided oh lets do that again, despite the pain in my legs (but its good pain! Damn you inner voice which knows nothing. NOTHING.). I ran 1.5 miles tonight and walked another 1.5, after the 3 miles I ran last night. I am in a little bit of pain.

I needed to kick my ass because today I failed at eating. FAILED.

i ate….

Imposter Cheerios with 1% milk for breakfast (it always starts out so innocently)

Tea with honey (because this girl is sick 😦 )

Smoked Turkey and corn chowder soup for lunch (I was sick ok?)

Small chocolate frozen yogurt (my throat hurt ok?)

2 Hand fulls of fries (my coworker put them right in front of me, i couldn’t say no!) 

Scrambled eggs with cheddar cheese, organic ketchup, a dash of salt in a tortilla. 

I will do better tomorrow….I suck at this whole diet thing huh?

I have to eat healthy tomorrow thats for sure, I don’t think i can move.