This? Is Not the Health I Ordered!

Category Archive

The following is a list of all entries from the Detox category.

Post-Detox Notes

So I’ve returned to normal food once again. And boy, was I returned. Thanksgiving kicked my ass and I have never been so full IN MY LIFE. Good news, I didn’t gain all the weight back.

Bad news? I gained 4 lbs. IN A WEEK. Um thats a lot. Granted its water weight but still.

Luckily it doesn’t show as much as I thought it might, and I’m still trying to eat healthy and haven’t returned to the insane snacking that I previously did. I also have been going to the gym and plan on continuing to go even more. I’m determined to lose more weight, even with the holidays kicking me around like I was there bitch.

I am healthier, and thanksgiving was a lot healthier than it could have been. But that stuffing really had it out for me. As well as the sweet potatoes, cornbread AND ALL THOSE DAMN CARBS. 


So now I begin dieting the regular way, no crazy detoxes, fads or anything else, just plain old eating healthy. Has anyone tried the detox yet?


Detox: Day 3 (The Details Post!)

Day 3 and my willpower still holds strong. I’ve stuck with the detox and I’m rather proud of me. I am really hoping that I can stick to being healthy when I come off this and start eating more regular food again.

It was a little harder for me yesterday as I started getting antsy and bored and when I do that, I eat. It took a lot of strength  not to eat the australian chocolate cookies that I’m hoarding in my desk drawer that I got from a coworker. I’m being tested but so far I’m not as hungry as I usually am and I’m seeing a difference in weight already which rocks.

So I have gotten quite a few emails about the details of this detox and so I’m going to list them out in detail here! I would love to hear of anyone who is going to try this and what they think of it! I’m already sold on it and I’m only on day four so far!! I feel so healthy and have so much more energy now its amazing.

The Deets:

For one week you can only eat vegetables, preferably leafy greens but you can also eat peppers, cucumbers, carrots, celery, peas, corn, basically anything veggie, that isn’t pre-processed, canned, pickled or dried (frozen fresh veggies is ok!). For salads you can put dressing like oil and vinegar but preferably lemon juice and olive oil for taste (I actually usually do this anyway, its a great light summer dressing). For breakfast my roommate suggests making a shake out of vegetables. If you have access to a juicer this makes it really easy.

I suggest doing one big batch of it (about half a gallon lasts 4-5 days) because its messy to make and annoying as hell to do often. I used kale, spinach, collard greens, celery, 5 apples and 2 beets.  You can also use carrots too. Or substitute out the beets if you don’t like them, i happen to like them so it wasn’t a problem. (You will want to boil the beets until tender, I’d never worked with them and attempting to cut them raw? IS NOT FUN)

This is breakfast and is awful tasting at first but you get used to it. (even by the second day I wasn’t hating it AS much).

So basically all I am eating is salads with a lot of veggies on it and snacking a lot on celery and carrots. The first day or two is bad, you’ll be hungry (no, scratch that-STARVING), you’ll probably get bad headaches and be really tired (for me, just the first day) because all the toxins are leaving the body but after that you arent as hungry and you get full more easily and it won’t bother you as much. Oh, and drink a lot of water!!! and i mean a lot. You dehydrate really easily.

You can’t drink any alcohol or coffee but I’ve been having herbal tea with no sugar or anything added to it so I figure that is ok. I also have been having a banana as a mid morning snack, I figure I can use the potassium and its fruit so it can’t be that bad!!

Good luck to those that are trying this and let me know how it goes for you 🙂

Detox: Day 2

Well, i have survived day one and all its cookie tray glory. I went to a design event last night at a gorgeous apartment on the upper west side (seriously, i was drooling) and there was an assortment of cheeses, crackers and my ultimate favorite–black and white cookies.

And I didn’t eat one, not even a crumb.

My god I’m being so healthy it hurts.

Today isn’t as bad as yesterday, i’m not as hungry, not as tired. I didn’t gag every time i took a sip of my veggie shake this morning. I still am craving the cookies that were present at the lunch and learn this afternoon (which were sooooooooo hard to resist) and that are now sitting on the table near my cubicle. Willpower is being tested to its LIMITS.

People aren’t understanding the purpose of my doing this; my coworkers are taunting me with cookies, candy and other sweets, constantly asking me why would i ever want to put myself through that. People mention burgers to me in my comments. (*COUGH*YODA*COUGH*) They think I’m just doing this to lose weight. Its ONE of the reasons I am, but the main purpose is to get healthy, to cleanse out my body and to start fresh. A jumping point to a healthier lifestyle and to motivate me to eat better and work out more.

I hate having to explain this at EVERY SINGLE MEAL and it is only day two!

I love how much willpower I have but I hope i can keep it up once i’m off the formal detox. I really hope I don’t slide back into eating sweets…

Detox Me

I have decided that in order to kickstart my getting healthy, I need to go on a detox. My roommate is a physical therapist and swears by this one and recommends it to all her clients. I figure its a safe way to go and it seems pretty healthy.

The deets?

Eat vegetables and only vegetables.

Thats it. You can’t eat anything other than leafy greens (and i’ve thrown in some other veggies for taste) (because leafy greens are boring. And gross)

Last night I started it by juicing beets, kale, collard greens, spinach, celery and 5 apples for the juice (and to sweeten it a little). I made a gigantic mess and thanks to the beets, it looked like I had commited mass murder right there in my kitchen.

This shake is my breakfast, it is so gross but has to be done. The rest of my meals consist of salad with lemon juice and olive oil, corn, peas, carrots, and anything else i can get my hands on thats veggies.

And let me tell you, day one? KILLER.

I am EXHAUSTED, starving and eating carrots as if i had suddenly morphed into a bunny. I am having dreams about chocolate and COTTAGE CHEESE. (oh and going to vegas, but thats besides the point)

The reason for torturing myself? To become healthy, duh. And to cleanse out my system. Apparently the first two days are the worst (one more day…one more day…) but at the end my tastebuds will have changed and I won’t crave sugar or salt as much as I used to. It will shrink my stomach so my appetite won’t be so huge. My skin will get better and over all I’ll feel healthier.

Must. Keep. Eyes. On. Prize.

Wish me luck! i’ll try to document it all…unfortunately i was so preoccupied with the shake I forgot to take pictures of the blood beet bath.