This? Is Not the Health I Ordered!

Damn You Guess Jeans

So I went to TJ Maxx tonight and bought myself an incredibly cute pair of jeans that fit me perfectly. It was an odd size, one based on hip sizes and so I had no real idea just what size I was buying into. I loved the jeans, they make me look thin so I got them.

I get home and of course I have to know what size they REALLY are. (this is my brain going ohh is the running working, have i dropped sizes?) 

And then I cried. Because not only is it worse than what I thought, its the biggest size i’ve EVER WORN. Even at my fattest 8 years ago, I wore smaller sizes. Here I was, thinking I was getting a size comparable to a 4 or a 6 and it was even larger than that. I want to curl up in a ball and never come out of my room ever again.

I hate that my weight and the size pants I wear has this effect on me. I like how I can be in a good mood watching a very tall Phil Dalhausser playing beach volleyball and daydreaming about my date with Michael Phelps later and then on a random spur of the moment decision to google guess jeans and their sizes, cut that mood to shreds. I hate that I am doing this running routine and making an effort to be healthier (even though I’m failing) and not seeing any results. I know its only been 2 weeks but usually my body reacts VERY QUICKLY. I moved to nyc and dropped 10 lbs within a couple weeks and was visibly smaller. 

Its frustrating the death out of me and I want to just give up and accept the fact that I’m not going to be thin again. I want to so badly, I look at pictures of myself just last summer when I thought I had gained so much weight but really was still so small. I wish I was that small. I wish I was back to even my AVERAGE weight which is still 15 lbs lower than what I am now. I wish I could fit in all my old pairs of jeans that are beautiful and are longing to be worn again. 

Damn you guess jeans. Damn you horrible metabolism.

I’m off to go to my pity party.


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  1. * a says:

    don’t you hate how you always seem to lose weight when you aren’t trying to lose weight but you always seem to gain weight when you’re trying to lose weight? i don’t understand.

    i’ve been terribly bad with my diet the last couple days/week. i’ve actually gained two pounds. TWO POUNDS! thus why i’m not blogging about it.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 9 months ago
  2. * Danielle-lee says:

    Not that you are old, but as we get older, it gets harder to lose weight. Don’t be so hard on yourself! you ARE doing good, and making progress! you HAVE NOT failed! you do need to stop looking at sizes. Sizes are such b.s. anyway. 11 year olds wear size 0, not normal woman with hips and curves. Embrace your curves, and keep running. your metabolism will keep speeding up as long as you keep fueling it with healthy food, and keep running.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 9 months ago
  3. * Yoda says:

    Sizes are total BS. What matters is that you ARE exercising. No matter what, by running you are:

    1) getting your heart in better shape.
    2) increasing metabolism.
    3) strengthening your lower body.

    All of these are good for your body. Don’t concentrate on the weight part alone — its overall fitness that counts!

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 9 months ago
  4. * Babycakes says:

    just discovered this, makes very entertaining reading, very similar to my own food/weight issues. I hate how you can weigh yourself on a saturday morning and if you haven’t lost any weight, you don’t feel good all day. Sounds like you’re doing all the right things though and probably look very slim anyway.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 9 months ago

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