Damn You Guess Jeans
So I went to TJ Maxx tonight and bought myself an incredibly cute pair of jeans that fit me perfectly. It was an odd size, one based on hip sizes and so I had no real idea just what size I was buying into. I loved the jeans, they make me look thin so I got them.
I get home and of course I have to know what size they REALLY are. (this is my brain going ohh is the running working, have i dropped sizes?)
And then I cried. Because not only is it worse than what I thought, its the biggest size i’ve EVER WORN. Even at my fattest 8 years ago, I wore smaller sizes. Here I was, thinking I was getting a size comparable to a 4 or a 6 and it was even larger than that. I want to curl up in a ball and never come out of my room ever again.
I hate that my weight and the size pants I wear has this effect on me. I like how I can be in a good mood watching a very tall Phil Dalhausser playing beach volleyball and daydreaming about my date with Michael Phelps later and then on a random spur of the moment decision to google guess jeans and their sizes, cut that mood to shreds. I hate that I am doing this running routine and making an effort to be healthier (even though I’m failing) and not seeing any results. I know its only been 2 weeks but usually my body reacts VERY QUICKLY. I moved to nyc and dropped 10 lbs within a couple weeks and was visibly smaller.
Its frustrating the death out of me and I want to just give up and accept the fact that I’m not going to be thin again. I want to so badly, I look at pictures of myself just last summer when I thought I had gained so much weight but really was still so small. I wish I was that small. I wish I was back to even my AVERAGE weight which is still 15 lbs lower than what I am now. I wish I could fit in all my old pairs of jeans that are beautiful and are longing to be worn again.
Damn you guess jeans. Damn you horrible metabolism.
I’m off to go to my pity party.